I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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