3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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