Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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