Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
