Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
