so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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