I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
