he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
