I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
