New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You're like the curious george of whores
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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