I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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