What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
