i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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