he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have aggressive nipples.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
