shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize