In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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