Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I could make wine with my vomit
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
