His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
