You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
