There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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