Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
