TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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