Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
