Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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