I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
