In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Every concussion has its silver lining
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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