How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
