So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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