Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
