yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
