first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
