the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
