I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
