; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
