shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
