I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
