whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
God, I missed his penis.
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