his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
