I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
