I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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