the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's blow job season.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
