If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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