i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
