she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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