my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
