i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
