My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
