I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
