end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
