no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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