I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
