I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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