My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
