my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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