he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
