Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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