you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
