bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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