ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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