just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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