Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
