He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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