Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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