let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
