1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
