just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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