hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
