Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
