So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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