You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
