So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
the raccoons are back...
Randomize