hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
