I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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