so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
