someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
