i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Your penis caused this!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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