It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
