why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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