So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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