if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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