it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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