Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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