upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
