Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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