it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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