My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i need some magic done to my vagina
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
