Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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