hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
