Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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