you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
