I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
