the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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