yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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