I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize