There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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