Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
