My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
