i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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