One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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