sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
