either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
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