You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
