i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
